So one of the things Alexa has trained me on is how to help her deal with noise. The Fourth may be one of the more problematic holidays but, as Alexa noted yesterday, it's not the only time noise can be problematic. Parties and weddings are also trying - too many people talking at once (she can't block it out or focus on only one conversation), loud music, etc. And as she's taught us how painful it is for her, we've worked to learn how to help her cope and adapt. Because while avoidance is tempting (and sometimes it makes sense) she can't live her life avoiding it always (nor would she or any of us want that). She wants to participate in family gatherings and parties, she just doesn't want to experience the physical effects.
So we've learned some coping mechanisms (which I'll note below). These are not always easy to accept as a parent who doesn't want to call attention to the family (recall The Look). But they work for her and that's what really matters. Sometimes we just have to get over it as parents.
1) Earplugs - I carry earplugs for Alexa whenever I think we might be in a situation where the noise will be too much. I ought to carry them always but I seem to run out or lose them. The foam ones from the drug store are cheap, disposable, and seem to do a decent enough job. Alexa has also used the type that band singers use to protect their ears while still hearing the music - thanks to a friend who suggested (and then purchased) them. See this Amazon link for more information. Alexa didn't find them as comfortable but they do allow the sound to be less loud but not muffled. This is how we have done Disney. And State Theatre Festival. And restaurants. And the occasional movie or performance. Used when she will be in a lot of noise for an extended time and she wants to try to take it in and can't use one of the methods below.
2) Noise cancelling headphones - Alexa has a pair of these that she carries with her when we go to day-long family events or ride in the car and such. Times when the noise might not be loud but when it is likely that there will be several conversations happening at once. She uses them when she needs to "tune out" and take a break.
3) Stress balls and stuffed animals - better that she have something small to vent on than that she melt down. She has a large enough purse that she can fit a small stress thing in it. Who cares if someone wonders why an adult is carrying a stuffed whatever?
4) Diversions - when all else fails, finding something that she can hyperfocus on and totally remove herself from the rest of the world is what's needed. And amazingly, when not stressed, she can follow a conversation while reading a book or playing a video game. It's a stress management mechanism and she has, in fact, grown out of the constant book reading stage.
5) Let the person with ASD have as much control as is appropriate/possible. No, I am not advocating asking your five year old if they want to try something or not. But I am advocating giving older children some choices - sometimes they might even be ready to try something before you! Following the lead of the person with ASD and helping them prepare are key - for instance Alexa is able to go to one of our favorite restaurants because we let her pick her seat and we try to get a booth. Being seated against the wall with as few tables as possible behind her really makes a difference. Not saying it doesn't frustrate us if we have to get up to let her out to use the restroom... but we know the drill and are willing to go with it so we can eat there as a family.
6) Explore sensory friendly options - the Autism Society of America publicizes sensory friendly films each month so that families can enjoy them in the theaters and Broadway is even getting into the act (thanks, Ms. P. for the tip). And, as Alexa noted yesterday, the Appel family has their own sensory friendly (and legal) fireworks each Fourth.
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